Dream Chaser

suggested by The Real Eureka Springs

"What kind of things in this world prevent you from chasing your dreams?"

Well, so far health concerns have been a major issue in my life for the past 5 years. It's pretty much crippled me. But now I'm finally getting healthy and ready to go after them. What health concerns? Bipolar II, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Weight gain due to medication, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Diabetes II (which is almost gone).

Woohoo, finally almost completely healthy/stable!

I used to be a go-getter and chase my dreams completely but since all this hit the fan I have just been trying to keep my head above water. Now I'm starting to feel my old ambition coming back full force and I'm loving life in a way that I've never loved it before!

Money Perspectives

So I have this friend who constantly bitches about money but combined she and her hubby make enough to support an average sized family. And they don't have kids. Another friend of mine makes over 100k a year, is single, and owns two houses. And HE'S always complaining about being poor.

So then I look at myself, someone with nothing in savings, no assets, and who lives paycheck to paycheck (I don't make a lot of money). I make a fraction of what these people make and I seem to get by ok.

I've been told that the more money you have the more expenses you accrue. The song, "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems" comes to mind.... But seriously, I want to slap all the people who have a ton of money and then say "Woe is me".

Am I alone here?

Five Question Friday

1. Have you ever visited another country?

Yes, the summer before ninth grade I went to Europe with my cousin and some kids from school. We went to Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Italy, which was my favorite. I loved it all and didn't want to come home!!

2. Where is the strangest place you have ever been?

Utah. lol just kidding. I've never really been anywhere strange, but I've met some strange people, mostly in rural areas. But they seemed to think that I was even stranger. I used to talk a million miles an hour and say LIKE all the time (so cal roots in me) so they were like, whoa whoa whoa! I don't even know what you're saying!

3. What is your favorite season?

I live in the land of no seasons. So winter would have to be my favorite because I love cool weather and I love the snow since I never get to see it.

4. What is one song that will always cheer you up?

The clam song by my favorite band NOFX: "Clams have feelings too (actually they don't)".

5. What Disney character do you resemble the most?

The girl lion from lion king. Don't remember her name. At least, that's what my boyfriend says. :) I'm a bit of tomboy, but I'm getting girlier every year.

Shoes Shoes Shoes

Charlotte Russe is having a good sale on all their shoes and boots! Check it out.

I might just have to order this pair. :O

Deepest Fear

suggested by Said She

"What is your deepest fear? Does it stem from any past experience, or is it completely unfounded?"

My deepest fear is that I will turn 50 and still never have learned how to be proud of myself or be able to acknowledge my accomplishments. If I can't do that, I will never be really happy because my perfectionism will have taken over my life completely.

This is one thing I've learned about myself over the last 5 years. I have never been able to be proud of anything that I do. Even when I was an athlete, getting first place at the state swim meets wasn't good enough because I wanted to be even faster. Even when I would hit my goal times I couldn't be satisfied or proud because I knew I could be better.

Every accomplishment in my life large or small has been something that I always brushed off as being nothing. I think that's a sad thing.

Reinventing C

Thought I would kill two birds by telling you a little about myself while telling you how I will change myself: (inspired by an article)

Summary of part of the article- How to reinvent yourself:

• Stop allowing messages from your past to control your thinking about the future.
• Monitor how you teach others to treat you
• Stop measuring your insides to everyone else's outsides

I tend to think about the past a lot. I mean, I'm borderline living in the past. I wasn't always like this. I used to be really gung ho and lived in the future, and then life crushed me in a couple unusual ways, and now I feel real negative about a lot of things. I need to look forward again and live in the moment and stop anticipating a repeat of past struggles.

I tend to do what they said in the article- Instead of waiting for someone to do something I usually go "Fuuuuccckkk!! I'll just do it myself!" or I tend to have people flake on me a lot and I need to make it clear that that is unacceptable. I'm so laid back that I tend to seem easygoing about shit like that and I need to fix that.

I should stop comparing myself to others. 'Nuff said.